"Sex, Drugs, and Rock n' Roll" [entries|friends|calendar] _*Alison [ website | MySpace ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

feeling like poo.. [15 Aug 2007|11:25pm] I just feel like a piece of shit. Honestly I feel like everyone is ganging up on me. People don't see how me and derek are alone, there are two sides to every story but for some reason my story is a lie. I admit when It's my fault all the time. I am completly in love with derek, head over heals shoot for the stars for him, I will do anything for him. He is my heart, my lover, and my bestfriend, and I hate making him upset. It seems like I make him upset all the time, I try to so hard, really I do, but I always mess up. I think I'm gonna go back to my therapist cause I have alot of problems dealing with things every since my father passed away and I'm sick of ppl saying thats an excuse cause my family is messed up because of it, I cant see my family cause they hate my mom for dating someone and just so many family problems, I just need to talk to someone that doesnt know every little detail about my life right now so I can get help. It helped me alot when I went and I think I'm gonna put aside some money so i can go again. I will do anything to make derek happy because my love for him is so strong. I'm gonna go to bed and stop thinkin for a little.... Ryan Downs I miss you as a friend and I'm sorry that I upset you, I know I can't take the things I did back, but please don't lose respect in me as your friend. Say The Words

its been a long time.. [13 Aug 2007|04:09pm] I know I do things wrong alot and I'm a bitch at times and I make mistakes, but hey I'm human everyone does it. But sometimes I get blamed for stuff that I did not do, and I'm good at admitting when I do wrong or I'm a bitch, and when I know I didn't do those things and ppl think I do I get so upset cause I know I'm not the one to blame. Just for one tiny example : Derek locked his keys in his car the oher night and blamed it on me cause I called, im like wtf thats fuckin gay, if you look at the situation I almost died laughin cause he thought it was my fault, I've been treatin derek alot better and I've been better about things, but now it seems that when i get nicer I get blamed for a whole bunch of stuff. But whatever its not that big of a deal but sometimes the little things can bother a person more than the big stuff. I just want to be the good girlfriend ya know. but I love derek so I will do whatever it takes to make him happy. Well I just needed to vent so peace..<3 1 Say The Words

hahahhahahafuckyouhahahahahha [09 May 2007|08:16pm] I can call my bf on the phone whenever i want, hes my fuckin bf get the fuck over it, i know the words he says arent real, friends make him think that way and it pisses me off, cause i get treated like shit....omg i feel like im in 5th grade. Say The Words

wow.... [07 May 2007|03:46pm] okay really im not a psycho bitch, people just dont fuckin listen and look at the other side of the story. And thats cool if noone likes me, im too busy with work to care.kbye. Say The Words

wtf ever dude... [02 May 2007|07:30pm] I fuckin hate this!!!!! Dereks phone died he has my shit he never calls me back, i just get so pissed and cry, thats mean find a fuckin phone and call me back! I hate how I never have alone time with him anymore, I work mornings he works nights, then he goes and hangs out with his friends and I cant go cause i work in the morning. People think I spend to much time with him but thats fuckin bullshit cause i don't. I just wish things were different and we had more alone time, the only alone time we have is for like 20 min. ughhhhh I hate this so much, noone understands. I've just been so depressed latly. Thats why i cant wait till we go to florida and get away from everything, so it will be me and him for a week. I'm not selfish at all, ppl just don't see whats real. I just miss being cute with him, but its like we work to much to have time to look at eachother in the eyes and say i love you. You know what we do its a quick kiss and a quick loveyoubye! The only day that i ever have off is wed. and of course I can't go near a wed. I mean i have respect for that and all but its like thats the only day. So instead i sit at home all day crying my eyes out and sittin on the fucking computer, sounds fun right. And no i dont want your fuckin sympathy. I hate everything right now...... Say The Words

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